I haven’t read a book in two years. It’s embarrassing. It’s been a rough and weird and busy two years.
“Crime and Punishment” by Fyodor Dostoyevsky changed that.
To elaborate: The past two years have been go, go, go. Dealt with lot of anxiety while jumping between different jobs (I contracted in DMV area with notoriously little job security), then I moved to NJ with family, started a new job, performed in four theater shows (very time consuming) and was in and out of a relationship.
I use the word "anxiety" to stress that my mind couldn’t focus — and it depressed me because I studied writing and I read/write technical manuals for a living. I read a lot for work and that has not been impeded, but when I would pick up a novel -- nothing. The brain would make it a page or two, then it would wander to something else more pressing. Reading for pleasure was a chore.
That all changed when my copy of C&P arrived in the mail on Dec. 27, 2022. My sister and I challenged ourselves to finish the book by the end of 2023 (five days) and we didn’t make it. She had received her copy as a Christmas gift. Took roughly nine or ten days to finish. But, it was worth sticking through. Reading again felt like riding a bike.
Once I hit my stride I couldn’t put it down. I focused. I shut everything out. I had to know what would become of Raskolnikov. I’m still reeling from the way Dostoyevsky told this story — how much I was on the edge of my seat during the murder, how I hated and loved Raskolnikov. How I adored Razhumikin. How sad I felt for the Marmeladev family. How I respected Sonia’s choice to give of herself to feed her family.
How surprised I was at Porfiry’s way at coming to his final conclusion. The novel was both unnerving and hilarious, carefully plotted at times, farcical at others.
I could go on about the philosophical element but I’m drained from reading and probably not intellectually evolved enough to go there right now (I wish that sounded less self-deprecating).
Now, what to read next? I tried to pick up War and Peace, thinking this could be a year where I tackle more Russian lit. Plus, my sister is reading it. But, I ended up not far -- not because I couldn't focus, but because it was boring.
Maybe next is "The Brothers Karamazov." Stay tuned!
